Recipe for a Funny Fanfiction
by Leilsel97
Summary: When Neji finds Tenten in the library writing a one shot and wants to know how to write fanfiction, she gives him the recipe.


Btw: **Writing like this **is the mentioned character(s)'s response to whatever Tenten reads off her scroll, they are all for some reason in the Konoha library.

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><p>In the Konoha library, Neji found Tenten writing away furiously on a piece of paper. "Hey Tenten, what are you writing?"<p>

"Oh nothing, just a short fanfiction story; it's going to be a one shot."

"How do you write fanfiction?"

"Oh that's easy, I even have a 'recipe' of sorts for it!"

Tenten pulled out a scroll and opened it, "Ahem. If Kakashi is present, he must love porn and be extremely protective of his little orange book",

**Kakashi glared with his single eye, "Hey! My book is NOT porn and it is a wonderful piece of literature and-"**

"Yeah yeah, no one cares, and that perverted novel of yours is in no way a wonderful piece of literature. It's nothing but cheap dime-store smut. Anyways, Shikamaru must be either lazy or compared to a pineapple if not both (if this does not happen it is usually because he fell asleep)"

**"What? Zzzzz" Shikamaru fell back asleep, he was just too lazy to stay awake long enough to complain. He was probably just confused because he woke up when he heard his name, the poor genius probably doesn't even know what was just said about him.**

"That's why. Jiraiya is a super-pervert and a tremendous idiot-"

**Jiraiya never did like being called a pervert, so of course he disagreed, "I am NOT a super pervert! I am a lady's man 'cause I'm awesome."**

"He didn't deny being an idiot... continuing the list: If Naruto and Jiraiya are both present, they must argue (usually because Naruto called him a lazy pervert)"

**Naruto, however had no problem with the comments concerning him. He looked up from his scroll and grinned cheekily, "Got that right!"**

"Finally, someone who agrees. Tsunade must be scary, abusive, and have anger issues (mostly towards Naruto and Jiraiya)"

**Tsunade doesn't like being called abusive any more than Jiraiya likes being called abusive. "What? You little-"**

"Tsunade! You can't use words like what I know you were about to say, this is only a rated T fic."

**"I was going to say brat..." Tsunade pouted.**

Every female has super hidden strength that is only ever revealed when they are angry or offended so none of the males present in the story want to anger them

Naruto must love pranks and ramen (it would be unnatural if he didn't)"

**Naruto looked up, eyes alight at the mention of his two favorite things in the whole wide world. "Ramen!"**

"Right. Sasuke must be emo, gay, bi, in love with Sakura, or a total jerk-face (he can also be any combination of the said adjectives)"

**Sasuke widened his eyes in surprise and then narrowed them in anger, "What! After I kill/screw Itachi (either way is fine) I will have my revenge on you all!"**

"Oh...kaay... Um, Tsunade must suck at gambling and have a drinking problem which she must be teased for mercilessly"

**Tsunade looked up from her paperwork, "Dumb brats and stupid perverts! They just can't leave me alone, can they?"**

"No they can't. Shizune must be extremely moral and worried for everyone's innocence or a closet pervert or an extremely dramatic romantic (or any combination of these)"

**Shizune protested," I have to worry for everyone's innocence and sanity, if I don't, no one will! And I DO NOT have a romance novel behind my back..."**

"Sure you don't..." *sighs* "Sakura must be either a whiny little witch that no one likes or totally awesome [or completely insane]"

**Sakura looked up from her paper and crayons, "Of course the authors love me so they always pick awesome, he he he he, oh look, a Unicorn!"**

"Not really (Personally, I'd say insane.) Itachi must like dango"

**Itachi merely munches on some dango.**

"Oh, can I have some? Thanks. Tobi must be childish and annoying"

** "But Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted in protest. The librarian shushed him.**

"I don't even know what to say to that. Deidara must like blowing things up or be girly (and in some cases both)"

**Deidara jumped on the table and shouted, "What! No way, I am NOT girly, un. Just because I have long hair, jeez you people suck." The librarian shushed him, too.**

"Blame the authors for that one and not me. Deidara, Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto may be considered feminine by other characters [much to their indignation]"

**Naruto shouted, "They can do what?"  
>Sasuke looked up glaring wildly, "You got that right! We'll be indignant!"<br>"Now that's just wrong," Deidara complained. Itachi merely activated his Mangekyou Sharingan and glared. **

"Itachi! No using your Sharingan on the authors! Sasuke must at least like tomatoes"

**Sasuke shruged and took a bite of a the tomato he was holding.**

"Hinata must be completely and utterly shy but for some odd reason be driven to commit some drastic act of aggression and violence that is out of character for her personality"

**Hinata furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "That makes no sense and I would never!" Looking away she muttered under her breath, "(Unless they try to hurt Naruto-kun...)"**

"Really? You people are crazy. Ino must like flowers, gossip, or at some point be compared to a pig (any combination of these is acceptable)"

**Ino stuck her tongue out, "I am not a pig, hmph!" She crossed her arms, turning away from Tenten and childishly stuck her nose up in the air.**

"(They forgot to list drama queen). All female characters must despise porn, especially Icha Icha Paradise

Tora must be an evil demon cat from hell that nobody likes to catch

The damayo's wife must torture Tora with unwanted affection"

**Tora hissed.**

"Oh my God, everybody run! It's Tora, the hellcat! Okay, Kisame must be made fun of for his gills, size, skin color, or at least be compared to a fish (if not he is usually whiny and annoying)"

**Kisame frowned, offended at this. "Hey! That's not nice!" He exclaimed.**

Tenten merely shrugged and continued reading her scroll, "Oh well, Orochimaru must be evil, conniving, and pedophiliac, he must also love or hate snakes (he cannot be indifferent towards them)

**Orochimaru made a confused face. "What the heck? Does everyone have to love to hate me?"**

"Who knows? Anyway, Kabuto must be made fun of for not being cared about or outright hated"

**Kabuto pouted. "Why? Why must I suck in every fanfiction?" He griped.**

"Because you act like a freaking douch bag in the series. Orochimaru, Deidara, and Itachi must be protective of their hair"

** "But hair care is important." The three aforementioned ninja said, confused as to why such a basic thing needed mentioning.**

"To S rank missing nin? Seriously?" Tenten asked dubiously, "Oh wow. And there must be a disclaimer. You think you got that all Neji?"

Neji, who was scribbling away on a note pad didn't even look up to answer. "Yeah, I think so, thanks Tenten. Now I can write my own fanfiction, you guys will love it!"

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><p>I'd like to thank Cha's Aegis and TheRealGoodyTwoShoes for being my first reviewers. Cha really helped me with this story, at first I thought she was being mean, but it turned out she was just trying to help. Without her advice, this story wouldn't be nearly as good as it is now. :)<p> 


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